My Twilight Obsession
by writingdreamer16
Summary: This is about crazy, little me and my weird obsession! I enjoy writing this, so even if it isn't funny, I don't care! It's just so much fun to write! It gets a little silly, but try it out! R&R! Please! Rated T cause I'm not sure what I'm gonna do!
1. My Baby

_Hi! This is about my crazy obsession with the Twilight Saga. I thought this would be fun to write! Some of this is true and some is fictional. It's up to you to figure out what is what! I'm not telling! __**LOLWROTFBDAOTM!!!! **_

_**LOLWROTFBDAOTM- Laughing Out Loud While Rolling On The Floor But Doing All Of This Mentally.**_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephanie Meyer, Tamora Pierce, Lurlene McDaniel, Ann Martin, nor am I Halle BERRY, Angelina Jolie, or Keira Knightley. I am also not Madonna, Pink, Gwen Stefani, Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige, Beyonce or Brittany Spears, but who would want to be Brittany Spears. I'm not Spongebob Squarepants, either.

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**My Baby**

It was the weekend and I was sitting on the couch reading away. It was around the twentieth time I read Twilight. I was right in the middle of when Edward saved Bella from being crushed by Tyler's van when my brother, Blaze, came walking up.

"What are ya reading?", Blaze asked. I looked up at him. As if he didn't know. He rolled his eyes. "Twilight again. Isn't that like the fifth time you read that?" I glared at my idiotic brother.

"It's the twentieth;" I corrected, "and GET IT RIGHT!" To my pleasure, he jumped back a little. I glued my eyes back onto the page. Blaze snorted.

"Whatever," he retorted. Blaze began to walk away, but after a few steps, he stopped and turned around. "You know what I think. I think Edward's a boring loser!" That's what did it! I snapped my book shut, aimed it at his head and threw it. Surprisingly, it hit him straight in the head. Blaze landed on the ground with a huge thump and Twilight was next to him.

My hand flew to my mouth. "Oh no! What did I do?!" I cried. I ran over and fell to my knees. "Please, please forgive me! I'm so sorry!" I picked up Twilight and cradled it. "My poor baby, look what I did!" I smoothed the cover. "It'll be all right! Shush, it's over now!"

Unfortunately, that's when my mom came in. When she saw Blaze on the floor moaning and me comforting my book, let's just say I have to go to therapy now.

**Therapy Session #1**

For my first session, I went alone. My therapist's name was Dr. Truman. She was a pleasant middle-age woman. I sat down on the couch opposite of her. (Bold is Dr. Truman and Bold and Italic is me)

**Hello, Halle! I'm Dr. Truman and you're here because...**

_**My mom thinks I have a problem.**_

**Yes, she says here that you have shown some weird obsession to these books.**

_**Excuse me Dr. Truman, but these are no ordinary books. These books so happen to be called Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. The amazing Stephanie Meyer writes them all. Not only that but the fourth book is coming out and it's called Breaking Dawn. I can't wait to**_

**That's wonderful, Halle, but your mother seems to be very worried. She's starting to think it's becoming unhealthy. Answer this question. What would you do if we took away those books?**

_**How long are we talking about?**_

**How about 24 hours?**

**... I'd**_** die...**_

**Okay. Um, how about 12 hours?**

**... I'd**_** die...**_

**5 hours?**

**... I'd**_** die...**_

**Halle, let me rephrase it. How long can you live without the books?**

_**One minute... Tops...**_

**Then, how are you living right now?**

_**I have Twilight in the backpack I brought.**_

I patted the bag next to me. Dr. Truman looked at me, dumfounded. She sighed and scribbled furiously at her notes.

**Halle?**

_**Yes.**_

**Your mother and brother know a little about the books. So, I want you to lay down and listen to these words. I want to see how you react.**

_**Okie dokie, doc.**_

I lay down on the couch and looked at the ceiling.

**Okay, let's begin. First word is...Edward.**

I sat straight up and looked around the room.

_**Where, doc, where? **_

I jumped over at her.

_**Tell me, doc! Where is Edward?!**_

She looks at me franticly.

**Halle, calm down! He's not really here! I just said his name that's all!**

I sat back down on the couch still alert.

**Halle, are any of your friends as bad as you are?**

_**Doc, I don't understand.**_

She sighed and smoothed down her hair.

**Are any of your friends as...obsessed as you are?**

_**Well, I did get Ashley to read the books and Sarah, too.**_

**Bring them in next time you come. Alright?**

_**Okay.**_

**I'll see you later, Halle!**

_**Bye!**_

_

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That was so much fun! Now, important update! The next chapter is Dr. Truman's notes! What does she really think!_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**


	2. Dr Truman's Notes 1

_This isn't exactly funny but I think it should give you insight on Dr. Truman's life. Thanks to all who review! Sorry but I'm recovering from writer's block!_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**

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From the Notes of Dr. Susan Truman 

**Patient: Halle **

**Reason: Mother afraid of unhealthy obsession**

After my first session with Halle, I realize that her mother was clearly right. Halle's obsession with these books called Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse is unhealthy and harmful. I wasn't even able to mention the word/ name Edward without her nearly attacking me. She also seems to have infected her friends with the same thing. I am afraid of a world wide epidemic.

She has claimed that death would be the result if she were to not be accompanied by one of the books and brought one with her. This must be treated immediately, but I will need further sessions with Halle, alone and with her friends.

Halle appears to suffer from all of these or none of these: fatigue, paranoia, and mental illness. It is unclear right now, but I'm quite sure that this is a real illness.

Next session, I will see if I can prescribe any medication. Until then, I will just observe and possibly do some research.

**A Letter from Aunt Susan Truman to her niece, Anna**

Dear Anna,

I know it has been a while since we last spoken, but I remember that the last time that we spoke that you loved helping me with my cases. Well, here's your chance. I have a girl your age, who is suffering terribly. I must know any information you have concerning these books called Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. Please write me back.

Give my love to your mother and father.

Yours Truly,

Aunt Susan

**A Letter to Susan Truman to her husband, Alexander Truman**

Alex,

I have come to the conclusion that you have been sleeping around behind my back. Don't bother coming home, you stupid, conniving idiot. I would call you so many names, but I will not. I won't sink to your level. I'm filing a divorce.

Susan

**A notice From Susan Truman to Dr. Lones**

Dr. Lones,

I wish to schedule a appointment. Thank you.

Susan

_

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Like I said before important but not exactly funny. Kudus to those who review! Next Chapter will be a whole lot funnier! I promise._


	3. My First Arrest

_I think this is going to be a funny chapter! Hope you will continue reading this!_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**

My First Arrest

Ashley, Sarah and I were walking to our session with Dr. Truman. Ashley and Sarah were discussing who would win in a fight. Emmett or Jasper. I was scanning the streets and there it was!

"Sarah, Ashley, it's a...**Volvo!!**" Ashley and Sarah whipped their heads in the direction I saw the Volvo.

"Look! It's right there!" Ashley screamed at the top of her lungs. We all hyperventilated and Sarah fainted. Ashley and I ignored Sarah entirely. People started to crowd around Sarah to see if she was okay. Ashley and I ran over to the Volvo. Ashley jumped on top of the Volvo and I started banging on the door. We were both screaming, "We love you, Edward!" The driver's door opened and out came... some other dude.

I started to cry. "Ashley, it's not Edward! It's not him!" Ashley slid off the car and landed slumped in front of it. I ran out in the middle of traffic, fell to the ground crying and rolled around and around.

That was our first arrest. The jail cells weren't very nice. The policemen didn't understand the importance of vampires. We tackled one policeman because he said "You mean the bloodsuckers with fangs?" Insolent, little idiot. Luckily, all of the charges were dropped including the assault charges.

After about an hour, we managed to wiggle out of jail and even got them to not notify our parents and all we had to do was allow the police escort us to our session. How we'll explain this to the doc, I don't know.

When Halle and her friends came to my office in handcuffs, I couldn't believe it! I had them sit in the waiting room as I talked to the police. Apparently, they attacked a man, blocked traffic, and assaulted an officer. This was worse than I thought.

**Therapy Session #2**

We all entered Dr. Truman's room. Sarah sat in between Ashley and I. Dr. Truman looked really stressed out. **(Dr. Truman**, **Sarah,_ me, _**Ashley

**Halle.**

_**Yes, Doc.**_

**Can you explain why those fine gentlemen had to escort you here?**

_**I'd rather not.**_

**Halle.**

_**Okay. Well, we thought that we saw Edward's car and we might have...overacted... a teeny bit.**_

**A teeny bit?**

_**A whole lot. Maybe.**_

**You assaulted a police officer!**

It really wasn't our fault. He insulted vampires everywhere!

**Vampires!**

**Yeah! That's what Twilight's about!**

**Let me get this right. All of you believe that there are vampires.**

_**Sure!**_

**Why not?!**

Definitely!

Dr. Truman looked from Ashley to Sarah to me. Her eyes rested on me. She sighed and wrote furiously on her note pad.

**Let's move on.**

Dr. Truman pulled out cards with ink blobs on them. Like the ones you sometimes see in the movies.

**Ready.**

She held one up.

**What do you see?**

_**Edward.**_

**Edward.**

Edward.

Dr. Truman shook her head and sighed. She held the next one up.

**What do you see?**

**Edward.**

Edward.

_**Emmett.**_

Everyone turned to me. Ashley and Sarah looked at me and nodded in agreement. Dr. Truman looked extremely surprised.

**Emmett. Who's Emmett?**

I smiled.

_**Edward's brother.**_

Dr. Truman sat there, completely stunned. I could tell that this was going to be one long therapy session.

_ That was pretty funny if I say so myself. Please review! I'll give you... happy thoughts! Or cookies could work, too!_


	4. Operation: Kill Grace

_This is a quite entertaining chapter! Hope you enjoy it!_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**

Continuance of Therapy Session #2

Dr. Truman sat there staring at me. I opened my mouth to speak to only be interrupted by the ring of Ashley's cell. We all turned to look at her. She smiled sheepishly and answered it. "OMC, hi, Clarice!" Ashley screamed into the phone. Sarah and I exchanged glances. We had just gotten Clarice to read Twilight and she was as obsessed as we were. "Wait," Ashley yelled. "Let me put you on speakerphone."

Ashley clicked the button on the side of the phone and set it on the table in front of us. "Hey, guys!" Clarice's voice rang through the room.

"Hey, Clarice!" We all responded at the same time.

"Clarice, why don't you come join us?" I asked and looked over at Dr. Truman for permission. She nodded tiredly.

"Okay! Where you at?" We gave Clarice the address and within five minutes, she arrived. We all gave her a hug and settled down on the couch squished. Then, my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at it to see who was calling. It was another one of our friends. Grace who was a nonbeliever in the obsession of Twilight. I sighed and answered it switching to speakerphone so everyone could talk to her.

"Hi, Grace! You're on speakerphone," I told her.

She moaned. "Great. Where are you guys?"

"Therapy sessions because of Twilight," Sarah summarized for her.

"Oh, you mean that stupid, lame, gay book you all read," Grace answered calmly. The four of us sat there in silence giving death glares to the phone.

"Grace," Ashley said sweetly. "You die tonight!" Ashley looked over at Sarah. She nodded and turned to me. I nodded and turned to Clarice. She nodded. I clamped my phone shut, and we all stood up and ran out the door. Grace, our dear friend, was unfortunately going to die.

**Operation: Kill Grace**

Of course, blinded by rage, we ask where Grace was. So I came up with a wonderful plan. We called Grace's mother, and she told us that she was at the library. We ran all the way there empowered by our strong hatred. We had only one thing on our minds, kill the girl who insulted Twilight. Of course by then, I wasn't sure about killing Grace, but all I had to do was think about what Grace said. When we reached the library, we found Grace in the fiction section.

To cut it short, we tackled her, and she lost some blood, but the police arrived in about five minutes. We were arrested... again. That was getting irritating. When we were in the jail cell, Grace visited.

She had a black eye and a swollen lip. "Hi, Grace," I called sheepishly. "We are so, so sorry!"

Ashley snorted. "Don't apologize! She insulted Twilight, Alice, Bella,...and Edward!"

I gasped. "I forgot!" I turned to Grace. "Sorry, Grace, but when you insult Edward, you insult me!"

"You know," Clarice started, "if you insulted Jacob, that would have been a whole different situation!"

"Yep!" Sarah agreed. "We would have shaken your hand and patted you on the back."

"Not me!" I interjected. "Jake's alright; I just prefer vampires!"

Grace shook her head and sighed. "You guys are so weird, and so lucky you're my friends! I won't press charges!"

I giggled. "Thanks, Grace! You are the best, but..." I hesitated, "next time you insult Edward...you die!" Sarah, Ashley, and Clarice all nodded. We will surely keep that promise.

Oh, Grace is so going to kill ME!! I'm sorry, but this chapter was o-so necessary! REVIEW!!!! Pretty please!! Don't make me beg!


	5. My First Boyfriend

_My friend and I were actually discussing this, so I decided to write a chapter about it! I hope you enjoy it! Oh, yeah! Grace, even though you didn't say it exactly like that, it was still incredibly insulting! I don't understand why you resist __Twilight!__ It is the awesomest of the awesomest! For those of you that are confuzzled, click the review button and read Arianna Elizabeth Jackson's review. You'll understand!_

**:-P **_wd16 _**:-P**

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My First Boyfriend

I flung out my cell phone and began to drastically dial Ashley's phone number. She answered it. "Ashley, you'll never believe what just happened?"

"You saw Edward!" She guessed and in the background, I could hear Ashley start to put on her shoes.

"No, Ash! I wish!" I answered back. I heard her groan. "Jacob just asked me out!"

There was silence. "You mean Jacob from our school?" she questioned.

"Mmm-hm." I agreed.

Ashley responded, "I thought you hated him!"

"No!" I told her. "I just disliked him."

"Oh. Well, tell me how it goes."

"Don't worry," I said. "I will!"

_**Two hours later**_

I was walking down the street and called Ashley.

"Hey, Halle! How did it go?" she said.

"I broke up with him," I told her blankly.

"Well, it makes sense," Ashley replied.

I was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Halle," Ashley started, "you are an Edward lover! How can you expect to go out with a guy named Jacob!"

"Oh, I didn't think about that," I said quietly. Then, I saw a flash of bronze hair in a crowd of people. "Ashley! I got to go! I think I just saw Edward!" I dropped my cell phone and ran in the direction I saw the hair. "Edward! Edward!" When I came upon the person, I jumped on them and began to hug them. "I love you, Edward!" I suddenly realized that the person was not Edward, but in fact, a woman. I started to cry. The woman obviously creeped out began to slowly inch away from my grasp.

Then a guy about my age came over and said, "My name's Edward. Are you looking for me?" I looked up through my tears and thought of a most wonderful plan.

**Therapy Session #3**

**Ashley's POV**

We've been sitting in the room with Dr. Truman for like two hours. Halle called me earlier and said that she had a wonderful surprise and that she was going to be late. Dr. Truman obliviously is getting irritated. Sarah and Clarice were getting impatient, but I knew a whole lot better. Right on cue, Halle would come busting through the door pulling along someone. Sarah, Clarice, and I all gasped when we saw who it was. A boy about our age with bronze hair, green eyes, and pasty skin.

"Everyone," Halle yelled, "meet my new boyfriend, **EDWARD**!!"

"EDWARD!!" We all, including Dr. Truman, screamed.

**Halle's POV**

In truth, it had taken me a whole four hours to complete Edward's transformation. I had dyed his hair and given him green contacts. I also caked a whole lot of makeup on him. I was so proud! He didn't even utter a word. What a good boyfriend! I could tell he was just a little uncomfortable, but anyone would be when they were going through a makeover.

My friends gazed at me in amazement, and Dr. Truman had a look of disbelief painted all over her face. "Edward, please exit this room and go home," ordered Dr. Truman. I frowned as I watched him walk out the door. "Halle," I whipped my head around to Dr. Truman. "We need to talk." Oh, great. Here we go again.

**Edward's POV**

Finally! I can smell my freedom! I had spent four, terrible hours with that nut case! She had dyed my hair! My hair! She made me wear contacts, and she slathered me in makeup! That girl is crazy! I was lucky I came out of there alive!

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Ha, ha! I like this chapter! Just shows you how crazy I really am! Peace out! Review please!


	6. Insanity to the Y

_HI, EVERYONE!! Sorry I've waited so long, but it's tough when you have this huge case of writer's block. Plus, I have to brainstorm. Especially on my other story, Cruel Fate. Okay, enough of the excuses! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed especially Mrs.Cullen94. Thanks soooo much! It means a lot to me that you really enjoy my writing! If you plan on writing any stories, I will be a frequent reviewer! Anywho, let's move on! I hope you enjoy my story! Peace!_

**Insanity to the Y**

Dr. Truman sat me down next to my friends. "Halle, this is becoming seriously unhealthy. All of you attack people without warning and you all have been arrested twice!"

Clarice piped up, "I technically have been arrested only once." Dr. Truman glared at Clarice.

"As I was saying," Dr. Truman continued, "You need some professional help. That's why I'm sending all of you to an insane asylum." We couldn't believe what we just heard. The doc sighed. "I know this must be overwhelming, but your parents and I think it's for the best."

I was stunned. "Wait, hold up a minute. You are sending us to an insane asylum." Dr. Truman nodded. "This is..."

Dr. Truman sighed again. "I know, extremely depressing."

"No!" I said. "It's awesome!" My friends now looked at me like I was the crazy one. "Don't you guys see!" Everyone shook their heads. I rolled my eyes. "I'll give you a clue. Alice."

Ashley and Clarice jumped up off the couch and started dancing. Sarah was giggling outrageously. Dr. Truman looked perplexed. Sarah, Ashley, Clarice and I all started to chant, "We get to meet Alice! We get to meet Alice!" Even if we didn't meet Alice at the insane asylum (which is probably a big improbability because she was admitted to an insane asylum way before we were, but girls can dream, can't they?), there was still a chance that a vampire who works there could fall in love with one of us and make us vampires. Just like Alice. So, as you can imagine, we were ready to party! Then came another brilliant plan.

"Dr. Truman," I addressed her. "We would be so happy if you read Twilight." My friends stopped jumping around and looked at me. I did my best pout. "Please!" Dr. Truman glanced at me and sighed.

"If that's what you want..." Dr. Truman started. We all jumped around her in a circle. "Where do I get a copy?" We all immediately pulled out a copy. Dr. Truman looked touched. "You girls really don't have to be so generous! I thought you couldn't live without Twilight, Halle."

I laughed, "I'm happy you care so much, doc, but no worries! We each have five other copies!"

"Of course," the doc murmured.

**First Day At The Insane Asylum**

We had arrived at the Redman's Haven For The Mentally Impaired. In other words, it's the place they send crazy people. Like us. Okay, so it kinda went like this. They assigned us our rooms. Ashley, Sarah, and Clarice were assigned to one room together while I was sent to a room with two other people. When I got to my room and saw my roommate, I screamed and well... I... I... well according to the report, I "attacked" my roommate, but all I really did was hug her. I mean, maybe I kind of _bear_ hugged her, but I didn't hurt her.

Anyway, that's not the important part. The important part is that my roommate looked _exactly_, and I mean exactly, like how I imagined Alice. She was little and pixie like. She had black spiky hair and everything! I swear it's her! And the best part is that when I asked for her name, the big guys in white with the really big needle (yikes!) said her name was Mary. MARY, people! This cannot be a coincidence! So, after the guys in white gave me the nighty night shot (which made me cry), all I could think about was the fact that I was sharing my room with Alice! And some other girl. I'll have to meet her, too.

_I'm starting to freak myself out! Man, I am nuts! Yay, we're finally going somewhere! I know this is one of my shorter chapters, but hey, what do expect from a girl with a huge, humongous case of writer's block! Review, review! Please! Please! Please!_


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